Where is MAURA MURRAY

oo00oo wrote:

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WOWzer. That was sarcasm. You really didn't think I was looking for an answer , right?

No I knew you weren't looking for an answer. I just had to add my bit of sarcasm. I hope it was alright.

Wowzer wrote:

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No I knew you weren't looking for an answer. I just had to add my bit of sarcasm. I hope it was alright.

I sincerely hope you, WTF, Mason, Suzanne, Snowy, WW, Whiston, Beagle and many others with different views will continue to post.

oo00oo wrote:

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I sincerely hope you, WTF, Mason, Suzanne, Snowy, WW, Whiston, Beagle and many others with different views will continue to post.

That's the only chance we got, IMHO.

Benjamin Franklyne wrote:

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That's the only chance we got, IMHO.

Ditto.

What makes you so sure this doesn't invovle my job?
Sadly Old Timers are suppose to be keepers of Wisdom not cranky old men
and women as they appear to be here!
For those who actually can accept the facts there are more than point to Maura
ending her own life vs. a serial killer!
So for me doesn't mean I haven't lost
sight of what's important which is for
Maura to be found just without the BS
of these Forums!
Two kinds of people in the world those who do it and those who talk about doing it Old Timer!

Old Timer wrote:

WW
You seem to have a gripe with everyone. It does not seem very productive to me.
Also, Does your employer know you spend most of your day at work posting on this forum, probably not?
Just something I noticed, that's all.
Art

Guilt is the one negative emotion that seems to be universal to all survivors of suicide, and overcoming
it is perhaps our greatest obstacle on the path to healing. Guilt is your worst enemy, because it is a false accusation.

You are not responsible for your loved one's suicide in any way, shape, or form. Write it down. Say it to yourself
over and over again,(even when it feels false). Tattoo it onto your brain. Because it's the truth.

Why do suicide survivors tend to blame themselves?
Psychiatrists theorize that human nature subconsciously resists so strongly the idea that we cannot control all the
events of our lives that we would rather fault ourselves for a tragic occurrence than accept our inability to prevent it.
Simply put, we don't like admitting to ourselves that we're only human, so we blame ourselves instead.
One of the most unusual aspects of survivor guilt is that it is usually a solo trip-- each survivor tends to blame
primarily themselves. Try asking another person who is also mourning your lost loved one about any guilt feelings that
are haunting them. Chances are you will find that each person-- no matter how close or removed they were from the
suicide victim--willingly takes the lion's share of blame on themselves. If they were the one closest to the deceased then
they theorize, "I should've known exactly what was going on in their mind." If they were distanced from that person, they
feel, "If I'd only been closer to them..." Well, you can't all be to blame, can you?

Isn't it far more logical that none of you are responsible?
Well, then who is? The simple truth of the matter is that only one person is responsible for any suicide: the victim. But
that's a tough pill to swallow, so instead of ascribing responsibility to our suffering loved one, we nobly sacrifice by taking
it on ourselves. It's understandable to feel such love and empathy toward the person we lost that we are loathe to place blame on them. The key lies in understanding the difference between blame and responsibility. Blame is accusatory and judgmental,
but assigning responsibility need only be a simple acknowledgement of fact. It's unclear how much control, if any, suicide victims have over their actions. And if clinical depression is at the root, then we could easily think of suicides as
victims of disease, just like cancer victims. This is why a person who dies by suicide doesn't deserve blame.

However, on some level, there was a conscious choice made by that person, even if it was made with a clouded
mind. So the responsibility does lie with them. Acknowledging this simple fact does not mean that you
did not love them, nor does it mean that you are holding them in contempt. It means that you are looking at a tragic
event clearly and accepting it for what it is.

Guilt is anger turned inward. Suicide produces many painful and confusing emotions in survivors, one of which is frustration
at being so violently cut off from the victim--from the chance to help them, talk with them, or even simply to say
goodbye. This frustration produces anger, and when we turn this anger upon ourselves, the result is
guilt.

Guilt can also come from an unfounded assumption that others are silently blaming us. Both parents
and spouses express fear that the world at large will brand them as failures in their respective roles because of the
suicide. While some small-minded people may think or even speak such accusations, most will not,
so don't project negative thoughts onto others by judging yourself for them.

Mistaken assumptions
The suicide survivor is prone to many self-defeating assumptions, all of
which are likely to be mistaken... "I know why they did it." The motivations behind suicide are complex
and often inexplicable . False conclusions about your loved one's suicide may only add to your own pain.

"If I'd only done (X), they'd still be alive." Thinking that you (or anyone else) had could have prevented the suicide, is assuming that we all have far more power over the lives of others than we actually do. Furthermore, many suicide victims persist and succeed in ending their lives despite being rescued before. "It's their wife's/parents'/doctor's fault." Blaming others is a form of denial. Only by facing the truth of your loss and the responsibility that lies with the victim can you recover from grief. "I know what people think about me." While suicide survivors are still often stigmatized, our fear of it becomes self-fulfilling when we mistakenly project negative thoughts onto others. "I will never be able to enjoy life again." Don't deny your mind's natural ability to heal. While your life may be forever changed, it need not be forever painful.

Anger and Blame

Negative emotions surround the suicide survivor, complicating our road back from sorrow. Anger is a natural
part of the grieving process, but survivors of suicide are far more susceptible to it--and not without justification.
Anyone who mourns may feel anger--frustration at being powerless in the face of death or rage at some real or perceived
culprit. However, those who mourn a suicide know the identity of the responsible party--and who wouldn't feel
anger toward the person who ended the life of someone we love and who devastated everyone around us? Many will be
loathe to view their loved one in such harsh light, but the concept is there in our minds, at the core of our despair.
At some point, that anger may surface. If you feel such anger, don't try to repress it--let it out. It's a natural part of
your healing process. You won't hate them forever. Quite the contrary--once expressed, it will be easier for you to let
go of your anger and begin to embrace positive thoughts and happy memories of your lost loved one.
Blaming others. Some survivors feel the need for a culprit, again out of a reluctance to place responsibility on the suicide
victim. "It's the doctor's fault." "His wife/mother/brother drove him to it." "If only the government had a better program..."
Some even pour their frustration into crusades against some perceived social evil that is responsible for their loved one's
suicide. While these people seem to have a productive focus for their grief, they are only hurting themselves by not facing
the truth of their loved one's suicide. Their road back to peace is made longer and rockier by misdirected anger.

The Suicide Survivor's Affirmation
by Jeffrey Jackson

Someone I loved very much has ended their own life. I will never truly know
all that was happening in their mind that brought them to that tragic choice.

However, there are things of which I can be reasonably certain...
-- If they were here, even they could not fully explain their mindset or
answer all of my questions.
-- In their state of mind, they could not have fully comprehended the
reality of their own death.
-- They could not have fully appreciated the devastating
impact their suicide would have on the people in their life.

As such, by their last act, they made their most tragic mistake, unknowingly
creating unparalleled pain in the hearts of those whom they most loved.
The person I lost is beyond my help now in every way but one:

I can help them by working to ease the pain they have caused
and by not allowing their most enduring legacy to be one of
tragedy. They benefit from this help whether or not I perceive them as
welcoming it, in the same way that we help the aggressor whenever we nurse
his victim--by minimizing the damage he has caused.

As a result, each and every day, I can help the person I lost by...
...enjoying life.
...smiling and laughing.
...not dwelling in feelings of sadness or remorse.
...loving others.
...taking new steps in life toward positive new horizons.
...helping those who feel their loss to do the same.
...and, in short, not letting their mistake continue to create
sorrow, neither in the world around me, nor in myself.
I will try to picture my lost loved one asking me to do this every day--to
please help undo the damage they caused in whatever little ways possible.
And I promise that I will.

Source:
S.O.S: A Survivors Handbook
American Association of Suicidology

oo00oo wrote:

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I sincerely hope you, WTF, Mason, Suzanne, Snowy, WW, Whiston, Beagle and many others with different views will continue to post.

So wait. It's still ok for people with different views to post here? Or only different views that agree with yours?

This is the part of the logic puzzle no one on this forum ever seems to understand. In order to allow everyone to post their views, you have to allow people who disagree with you to post their views. Shack has just as much of a right to post her views as Suzanne does. Peri has just as much of a right to post her views as White Wash does. And vice versa.

But then, good fences make good neighbours, I suppose. You've clearly erected one that's much more to your liking than the one you perceived Helena Murray as erecting.

Keep the faith, Kel.

White Wash you have done wonderful work trying to help find out what became of Maura, and are to be commended for your time and efforts, and have sent me many pictures and been kind. I ache for the misery I piled on you yesterday, call my timing poor at best, especially in light of your friend and neighbour Chief Williams and pray he pulls through this experience. I have not torn him to shreds, and I am sincere about the well wishes.

I absolutely know that you know more than us and have worked hard over the past five years to have learned what you know, and cognizant too that the Murray family and detectives know much more than they are saying or are willing to reveal because this is a criminal investigation.

I contemplated by outrage yesterday, and point in question overnight and did not post to the police because with reflection I think you tend to interject your emotions, which is understandable and certain forgiveable, and I can accept that, as the way it is.

Your remarks at times become personal to prove your point, or to pit one line of thinking against the other. I guess this is frustration on your part, and you are entitled to do this, but if you hope for a career in journalism, this is not a good thing. You can stay passionate without being so personal.

We all appreciate your work, and I admire you, but would find you more engaging without your snide, hurtful and cutting remarks, but at the end of the day, we all have faults, myself included.

Keep the faith and don't let the assholes of the world like me get you down. I did mean what I said, and hope you take some appreciation of where I am coming from, and if not you don't.

Everyone here including myself is entitled to their views. Yesterday I was outraged, and meant EVERY WORD I said. Much of what is written in these thousands of posts is not worth the reading, or commenting. And some of us have wadded through the mud longer than the others.

Children behave more maturely than some of the posters here, and the purpose of some is suspect as to what in the name of God is their purpose for being here; it is a crap shot to guess. But freedom is as freedom chooses.

The citizens of New Hampshire are very concerned with what has happened to Maura, as well as other missing and murdered persons in the area. Indeed many must be freightened an alarmed at the changing world around us both in New Hampshire and the rest of North America and the world at large.

To arrive at the truth, whatever that is, takes the collective efforts, minds and hearts of many, and the more voices that are here, the stronger the voice, and at the end of it, the only purpose should be justice.

Anyone who has gone from this forum because of my words, or others here, well that gives us too much credit, because nothing anyone has said to me ever has detered my purpose in the slightest, it is about moving the wheels of justice forward, to make our lives more safe. And on this forum it is about finding Maura, but read the all the posts, there is more said about fellow posters and personal comments than about Maura. What is that about? It APPEARS to be about them, and not about Maura.

If I or others feel abused, the forum is designed to report this, it is up to the moderators to decide on whether it is abuse or not, not me, not other posters, and perhaps when we feel abused if we directed the comments through the proper channels perhaps this will cut down the abuse. Perhaps not.

Wait, what? We all have tempers? Not I! I lost mine during the Ford Administration and haven't seen it since.:-)

(What can I say, I come from a family where "cranky" is considered a compliment.)

I just popped in to see how all the good, and there are some very good, people on this forum are doing.

I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOT BEEN BANNED, I have simply chosen to disengage myself from the MM saga.

I am thoroughly dismayed to see that almost all the smart, independent thinkers are quitting, these are the very people who are most needed, who contributed the most, who dared to break away from the stagnant 4 year mire of FIT masturbatory thinking. After 4 years of non-stop constant repetition of - SBD lied, the three monkeys, phffft, studying the dents in the car, one accident vs two accidents, who peeled an orange, who made what 911 call at what time, was the school bus parked nose in or nose out yadda yadda yadda.

And then to get an infusion of new blood - FIT just couldn't tolerate that. FIT could not bear to have anyone who did not stick to the party line. And the frosting on the cake is when the fake psychic decides to vomit all over these pages and threaten all the independent thinkers with censorship!!!!

Wowzer, Ouija, L4M, SW, WW, WTF and all the others who have fresh, clean minds uncontaminated by the stagnant filth of FIT - you guys are needed, you have made the MM case come alive and without you it's just a FIT controlled forum all over again.

I just popped in to see how all the good, and there are some very good, people on this forum are doing.

I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOT BEEN BANNED, I have simply chosen to disengage myself from the MM saga.

I am thoroughly dismayed to see that almost all the smart, independent thinkers are quitting, these are the very people who are most needed, who contributed the most, who dared to break away from the stagnant 4 year mire of FIT masturbatory thinking. After 4 years of non-stop constant repetition of - SBD lied, the three monkeys, phffft, studying the dents in the car, one accident vs two accidents, who peeled an orange, who made what 911 call at what time, was the school bus parked nose in or nose out yadda yadda yadda.

And then to get an infusion of new blood - FIT just couldn't tolerate that. FIT could not bear to have anyone who did not stick to the party line. And the frosting on the cake is when the fake psychic decides to vomit all over these pages and threaten all the independent thinkers with censorship!!!!

Wowzer, Ouija, L4M, SW, WW, WTF and all the others who have fresh, clean minds uncontaminated by the stagnant filth of FIT - you guys are needed, you have made the MM case come alive and without you it's just a FIT controlled forum all over again.

FireCat wrote:

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So wait. It's still ok for people with different views to post here? Or only different views that agree with yours?
This is the part of the logic puzzle no one on this forum ever seems to understand. In order to allow everyone to post their views, you have to allow people who disagree with you to post their views. Shack has just as much of a right to post her views as Suzanne does. Peri has just as much of a right to post her views as White Wash does. And vice versa.
But then, good fences make good neighbours, I suppose. You've clearly erected one that's much more to your liking than the one you perceived Helena Murray as erecting.

Different views, different opinions. Not the same old beating a dead horse.

Are you cranky today Firecat? I don't think I stated anywhere in my very short post that I wanted anyone to stop posting. Even Shack. I have given her a "heart" on a couple of occasions.

FireCat wrote:

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But then, good fences make good neighbours, I suppose. You've clearly erected one that's much more to your liking than the one you perceived Helena Murray as erecting.

I think your directing your anger at the wrong person, I have never even mentioned Helena Murray's name. Nor have I ever "erected" any fences.

How the hell do you get that out of that one statement, that I hope those that are talking of leaving won't?

PERI As a student of comparative religion I could if I chose educate you on the definition of the word KARMA. But I choose not to. It is not my job to. But I can assure you that it might be a good idea if you familiarized yourself with the meaning of the word before you sought to ban people for the use of it. Also look up the word fascism. Fascists censor the writings of people they do not agree with.

PERI A Hint - the word karma is from the Hindu and Buddhist religions.